I meant to share this in real time but things got a little busy and I haven’t gotten around to it until now. At least I kept these thoughts in real time. I’ve also edited this to protect the innocent (i.e. all the wonderful women I had the opportunity to spend some time with these last few weeks). Also I should note that some of these entries are quite short. I had a great time on every single date, however, a great date did not always translate into some new shining pearl of wisdom. Besides, some of my entries we too personal to post. Still, I’ve had a unique experience and I want to share bit of it with the world. What’s more is that now I would love to hear some of your thoughts good, bad, or otherwise.
October 4, 2011
I just got back from my first date. I really enjoyed her company but something I noticed tonight was some anxiety on my part. I’ve been specifically working on dealing with it in a healthy way. I was with a friend and I had nothing to be anxious about. Still, I felt anxious at a couple of specific times tonight. She wasn’t intimidating me, she’s one of the kindest people I know. But something triggered the anxiety. As soon as I was conscious of it I was able to let it go and I became more comfortable. I wonder if she noticed it. I wonder where this is coming from.
October 7, 2011
I found myself being very much the tour guide tonight, a role I enjoy. I made jokes and she laughed and smiled sincerely as we walked and talked and as I pointed out cool things of importance. What was interesting to note was that at some point I started making less comments. It got quiet between us and I was okay with that. There seems to be this point of transition between funny one-liners and more in depth conversation that I don’t know how to cross. I want to be a good date for her and make her feel appreciated and valued and I feel like I did that. It could that I just need to exercise a bit more patience for that deeper connection to happen. I want it, but all in good time I suppose. I guess maybe that’s the lesson for tonight, patience with the process.
October 9, 2011
I had a great date tonight. ☺
October 10, 2011
I realized a bit more about how good of a guy I am. Satan has worked me over for a long time and has tried to convince me that I’m evil, that I’m only masquerading as a good guy (at other times he’s tried to convince me that I’m good enough and that I don’t have to do anything more, then I slip up a bit). Satan is doing anything he can to convince me that I’m something that I’m not. God, by contrast, is doing everything in His power to teach me who I really am and trying to convince me to act in a manner that’s consistent with that.
October 11, 2011
Tonight was great because it was proof to me that I’m learning how to let go of all of my anxieties and all of my troubles; I’m just learning how to be me.
October 13, 2011
It was great to see her but both of us were ready to call it a night early. This is fun, but a little tiring.
October 14, 2011
I had a lot of fun tonight. Initially I wasn’t sure what to expect but that seems to be a theme with my dates. I was able to make her laugh and I think that she had a really good time. What I noticed tonight was the interplay between us. I felt a little anxious and felt the need to speak, and I think it showed. Other times when I let silence be present for a few seconds she felt the need to say something. This idea or rhythm between two people is interesting to me. With some it comes very easily with others it’s much harder. I suppose that’s the purpose of dating though, to see what existing rhythm between two people is good or what can develop. The trick maybe is to figure out how discern what’s going on in the moment or to see what’s possible in time. These are good questions to think about.
October 15, 2011
We ended up going for lunch and then went to the Morris Jumel Mansion that was open as part of the Open House New York weekend. I think I still find it hard to calm myself down when I’m with a woman that I like (I’ve liked all of my dates so far) but I feel like I’m getting better at it.
October 17, 2011
I had a great date tonight. ☺
October 19, 2011
I felt very comfortable with her, though I felt bad being so tired.
October 20, 2011
I had a great time tonight but there seems to be something about me that I want to change that I sort of became aware of tonight. It seems to be some sort of ambivalence. Whether or not it’s really there I can’t say, but it is something that I want to figure out because I’ve seen it in the past. I hope I can make that happen.
October 21, 2011
Through all of this though I’m learning to be more at ease with myself, which in turn is helping my dates to feel more at ease as well. I’m learning how to be more on my A game, even when I’m tired.
October 22, 2011
Some of the lessons that I’ve been considering in all of this is how dangerous hanging out can be. I’ve known this for a while but still it has come back to me with renewed force. Being on a date (even if it’s just a single, first date) is a much better and much more fulfilling way to interact with women. While it requires more of both individuals the payoff is far greater. Throughout this project I’ve been quick to trash the concept of “hanging out.” It’s not as bad as I’ve made it out to be and on occasion it can be a good way to get to know some people that you wouldn’t otherwise get to know. Still, the ratio of “hanging out” to dating should be heavily in favor of dating and it breaks my heart to see that it just isn’t like that, at least from what I’ve observed. I understand that many have great friendships with members of the opposite sex and that they want to spend time with them. If that’s the case, what’s wrong with spending time with them going on casual simple dates like I did today?
(In case you need a reminder about the difference between dating and “hanging out”, here’s a good refresher for you. http://lds.org/ensign/2006/06/dating-versus-hanging-out?lang=eng&query=Dating+versus+Hanging)
In addition I’ve also become more comfortable dating. Just going on a lot of dates makes it simple and takes away a lot of the anxiety that I’ve experienced in the past. That in turn makes it more comfortable for her as well. Life is good.
October 23, 2011
I had a great date today. There are some lessons to all of this but it might take me a while to understand it all. Let’s hope I can make some sense of all of this sooner than later.
October 24, 2011
I had a great time tonight and I wish I knew what to say at this point but I’m so excited to be done that I can’t really think of anything to say. For now, it’s time for bed. I think for me this project has been like mountain biking. It was a mad rush and sure was a lot of fun, even if it was a little tiring. Still, I want more. ☺



